so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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