i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
