He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
