I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
