i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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