I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
