Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
