I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
