Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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