I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
