After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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