How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my being single is dangerous.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
