And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
