would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
