I'm going to jail i love you
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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