I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
