I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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