her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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