My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
worst night to have a conscience
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
