Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
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Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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