just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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