so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
