How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
