The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
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You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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