he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
