I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
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