Your dad touched me again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
