i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
