using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
