Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
