hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
