Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
