PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
