yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
