So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
