She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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