he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
