Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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