it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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