he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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