im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I touched a dick in church today
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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