I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i will never coherently bang her
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
