I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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