my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I party with great urgency now.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
