just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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