went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
