I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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