We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
