i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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