i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
