girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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