last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
