maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
