I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
