Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize