So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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