According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
