Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
