I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
