What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
