i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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