I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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