somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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