Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
