I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
