I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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