the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
