my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
