My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
