At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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