ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
