That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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